creating a family on purpose

Most people presume falling in love, settling down, and popping out a couple of kids are all a part of the plan—inevitable milestones on the pathway of life. Though there are those (and the number is increasing) that buck a “traditional” lifestyle, getting married and having babies are still common undertakings.    

In that regard, it might seem silly to start a blog encouraging people to seek such obvious and rather tired pursuits. It sounds almost as conventional as telling people it is good for them to eat food or get a job. 

However, if getting married and having babies seems rather basic, that is because it is. And actually, the very fundamental nature of these endeavors is what we aim to discuss. Because even though “Get Married. Have Babies” seems almost like an old adage, many have lost the sense of their worth.

AN OUTDATED PURSUIT
Somehow, we have forgotten how marriage and family are innately ingrained into the God-given design of humanity. The consequences of distorting God’s design are evident in the rise in divorce rates, toxic mommy culture, absentee fathers, the pro-abortion movement, the “child-free” lifestyle, and even many discontented and dysfunctional Christian households. 

His blessings have become burdens to many, their purpose and value degraded and disposed of. In America today, “Get Married. Have Babies” is outdated. It is not nearly as noble of an endeavor, and the only acceptable forms of marriage and family are cut and pasted at the convenience of each individual’s desires. Opportunities for sanctification have been squandered and scorned in pursuit of self-centered and self-indulgent forgeries. 

In a society where boys are no longer boys, girls are no longer girls, and churches have embraced a secularized concept of love- it is no wonder we are not worse off!  For if we can no longer define what a man or a woman is - how can we attempt to know what marriage is? What even is a family? What does it mean to love? Why do these things matter and what is their purpose(s)?
 
Getting married and having babies is not a novel idea. The very first human institutions were marriage and the family unit, established at creation and enduring the test of time. These are not simply caveman instincts or cultural practices, they are intentionally designed and purposed by God. They are tools with an expressed purpose. When they are not used for and in the manner in which they were made, they cease (at the very least) to have the proper effect and (at most) cause incredible harm.

LIVING THE STANDARD
When we look to the Word of God we see time and time again that the ultimate purpose of marriage and the family unit is to point us toward Christ. Though marriage and family can bring immense joy and pleasure, we are reminded that personal pleasure is not their primary purpose, but instead a gracious consequence of living by God’s design. 

When God created mankind, He could have organized and given us structure in any fashion He pleased. He could have grouped us together by our likeness but instead coupled mankind in a pairing of complementary opposites. Rather than populate the rest of the earth by His own hand, He gave that endeavor to His new creation. Our design to be in fellowship and to create are inherited traits that remind us of our heavenly Father, the Triune God and Creator of all.

From creation to the cross, the Word of God teaches us that the blessing of marriage is the practical and tangible illustration of the relationship between Christ and his church. Not everyone is blessed with these particular gifts, but if you are - you have the privilege and responsibility to steward them for his glory!

When we have the Word of God as our standard it is obvious that even the love we share with our spouse and children is not meant to point us back toward ourselves but toward God. Though the world may propose attractive alternatives, we remember that the greatest sense of joy and fulfillment that we receive from our marriage and family is when we cultivate relationships and culture within our home according to God’s will, rather than our own dreams and desires. 

SEEKING HIS GLORY
The Quintessential Christian American family has often been stereotyped to look something like this: “Boy meets girl, and they fall in love. Boy and girl get married and raise their 2.5 children in their big house in the suburbs. Every day dad goes off to work, while mom tends to the home. They sit down for family dinners every night, attend church every weekend, and enjoy board games together. The annual family vacation is the highlight of their year.” This illustration paints a rather quaint picture, but seeking His glory in our homes is more than just a host of organized family activities and outings. 

Seeking His glory in our homes means we work intentionally to ingrain the principles of His Word all throughout our lifestyle. It changes the way we work, play, and rest. It looks like going beyond knowing and believing the “right” things, to actually putting them into practice. Here on the “Get Married. Have Babies” blog, we will be talking about how to steward all that God has placed in our care through discussions on family systems and culture building in your home.

Family Systems
Because marriage and family were created for a purpose, the way you care for them must be with purpose. You can build intentional systems that continually maintain the godly health and growth of your marriage, family, and home. Rhythms of worship, communication, work, relaxation, etc. can provide both organization and consistent opportunities for spiritual exercise. You can shape the way each member perceives and understands their role within the family, providing regular opportunities to work as a team. Using God’s design and purpose for marriage and family as the foundation, you get to design the structure that maintains its integrity. When we think of family systems we think of passages from Ephesians and lots of the Proverbs that talk about relational dynamics, behavior, training, and organization in the home: 

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Eph. 5:22,24

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—  “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.  Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Eph. 6:1-4

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Prov. 22:6

“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” Prov. 31:27-28

“By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” Prov. 24:3-4

Culture Building
While family systems ensure the healthy function of the household, culture building in your home is the integration of Biblical principles throughout every nook and cranny. While as Christians we are all bound to the same Word, how God’s principles are incorporated into our lifestyles will be unique to each family.

Culture building in your home means you get to decide what is normal, as well as what is considered unique and special. It looks like establishing customs and manners for your interactions and curating the sights, smells, tastes, and feel of the home. Culture is nurtured by everyday rhythms and routines, as well as holidays and traditions. Culture building in your home means you determine the standard that all these things are built upon AND what things are to be pursued. When we think of culture building in the home none sums it up better than Deuteronomy 6:

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” Deut. 6:4-8

The world and its culture need not dictate the environment of our homes. Directed by the wisdom of God's Word, we do. In doing so we participate in the redemption of this world. One family at a time, not through our efforts but through the work of God and the presence of the Holy Spirit transforming each home.

Creating a Family on Purpose
“Get Married. Have Babies.” is so much more than an old adage. For us, it is a call to return to the basics - to remember how marriage and family are not just happy accidents - but are created on purpose with purpose. It is our way of saying that though the answer may be simple, the work will not be easy. However, the endeavor is more than worthy.
 
If God has blessed you with marriage and/or children (or a desire for these things), we hope this serves as a reminder to you as well. Too many stumble into marriage and family without much thought. But we do not have to subscribe to the messy, broken, and empty ways of this world, because we know there is a way that our homes were made to bring tremendous glory. 

Many young and newly married couples struggle to nurture a marriage relationship and build a family with a firm foundation. Others return to the basics only after they found themselves, their marriages, families, and homes among the rumble- returning to the foundation out of necessity. There are also those who built their homes upon a sure foundation but seemed to have misplaced the design plans midway into establishing the structure. Wherever you are in the process of creating and building a home, we hope you can find encouragement here.

 If you are like us, sometimes the friends that are willing to talk about, dream about, and pursue these things are few and far between. Those of us who set out on this journey may often find ourselves traveling alone against the tide. If you are struggling to find a like-minded community, we would like to be those friends for you. 

So, come along with us as we seek His glory and rediscover what it means to create a family on purpose.